I Couldn't Make This Up If I Tried

I am not quite sure if I should be telling this story, but it is one of the funniest things that I have heard in awhile so I am going to do it anyway.

My mom had a neighbor that is fairly peculiar. She has lived in her house for just about as long as my mom which is a good 25 years. She is one of the sweetest, most caring women that I know, but she also seems a little off at times. I don't know what it is, but she seems almost too nice, and like she really needs a companion (if you know what I mean). She mows her lawn in a dress or in her fatigues from her stint in the army. She knows everyone in the neighborhood's business, but I think it is because she is all up in it (ninja style). And she has always had this bizarre relationship with her animals over the years (again in need of companionship).

As it was Christmas, me and my mom had seen a lot of her lately. You know, exchanging presents, shoveling snow, talking about the blackout, her asking why my mom had not put up her Christmas tree in a timely manner. The normal neighbor things...except for the Christmas tree stuff. After Christmas, while my mom was getting the snow off of her car, our neighbor popped up right next to my mom (ninja style), scaring my mom half to death as she generally does. My mom does not do well with fright and I think had had enough neighbor interaction for a while, so she says, "God! You scared me half to death! What do you want?!?" Our neighbor responded,"I'm sorry. Everyone says I sneak up on them (because she does, because she is all up in their business). I just wanted to tell you that Rose (her latest dog) died." Mom said that she was sorry for her loss and wished her well.

As my mom is a good woman, she felt bad about snapping at our neighbor in a time of distress and decided to get her some roses for losing Rose. She went to our neighbors house to drop off the flowers where she was thanked... and then pulled in to give her last respects to Rose. My mom was confused as it had been 3-4 days since Rose had died. Had she already been cremated and put in a creepy urn? Was she buried in the backyard? None of these would make for an interesting story.

No, as my mom came into the kitchen, Rose was in a plastic crate apparently waiting for her burial... in the spring when the ground thawed out!!! Oh it gets worse. Rose, having been dead for half a week, was now filled with death fluid and was double to triple her normal size!!!! Our neighbor explained that her friends were coming over to "drain" Rose because her vet predicted she was about to explode!!!!! As she is explaining this she is patting the bloated Rose consolingly. Our neighbor then went to touch my mother to let her know it was okay to say goodbye. At this point my mother drops the roses on the floor and screams as she runs from the house, ripe with the smell of 3 day old dead dog, right past the friends that were coming to drain Rose!!!!!!! My mom explained that our neighbor was lucky that the screen door was open otherwise there would have been a Sharon shaped hole in it.

Later our neighbor came over to talk to my mom. She said that she was sorry, and knew that it was "a little gross". She just wanted my mom to be able to say goodbye. Apparently Rose had now been drained and was buried in the snow until the ground was soft enough for her to be buried.

Some points to make about this: Granted the dog was out of the house, but that is still gross, and possibly illegal (at least I would think/hope). Also, our neighbor does not own the house; she rents. I'm not sure you should be burying a dog on rented land even if you have lived there for 25 years. Also, why are you still renting after 25 years? God love the woman, and I know that he does, but she is a bit crazy.