An Open Letter to Shaving

Dear Shaving:

I hate you. You're a jerk. You are like one of those friends that everyone deals with that's "just kind of a douche," but people let you get away with it because, "that's just who you are." Then there is that friend that you go just a bit too with (and they are a bit sensitive anyway, which is probably why you go too far with them) and they announce to the rest of your friends that they are done with you so that they know to keep the two of you apart. I am that friend, and I am done with you.

Seriously you are already the most time consuming part of my getting ready routine. The most annoying when you are not attended to when you need to be. It is like you start pouting in the corner and progressively get louder and louder with each passing moment... on my face/head! Wiry hair escaping only for you to draw it back in to attack me. To make me bleed, to mar my face!

Today you took it too far. I get out a brand new, very shave friendly razor for you. How do you repay me? You cut me. On the ear. In two spots. From one cut. Oh how I bled. For 3 hours. Gushing. I applied pressure while I got dressed and packed up with one hand, all the way to work, as I was getting ready for my client meeting, and as I struggled to get a band-aid on so I would not bleed all over my client. I went through two band-aids during that client meeting. 2!!! Even though everyone knows how heinous you are, one still sounds like an idiot when they say, "I cut myself shaving," in response to, "What happened to your ear?!?"

From now on, Shaving, we are like coworkers that don't like each other, but work on all of the same projects. Clearly we have to work together. People who see me from 100 feet know that we have a highly involved working relationship. For better or for worse, you are my work wife. I will be cordial to you. I will smile in the hallway. But we are not friends (that's why you got the business greeting in this letter)! We communicate when at all possible through email (no IM or calls! Do not even think of commenting on my Facebook page), and you do not get invited to the after work happy hour (I need that time to vent about you)! I just wanted you to know, so we can avoid situations that could get awkward for both of us and those around us.

Sincerely (because I am sincere and you get no "Best Regards"),
Jarett LaTour

Update: This post reminds me of a joke: "I cut my ear shaving my legs." :) Seriously though, I have to shave my whole head so it happens.

The Breakup: Part 2

I have had some time now to reflect on my first breakup (and kind of do it again), so I thought it was about time that I wrote the second part of this blog and list some of the things that I learned from the first go around:

• A RELATIONSHIP IS BETWEEN 2 PEOPLE & FOR THE MOST PART SHOULD STAY THAT WAY! Involving your friends, family, coworkers, and others too much just makes this complicated and causes trouble. It also makes it hard if you want to make decisions that are "unpopular" but are right for you (in the singular and plural sense). Plus for the most part they only get one side of the story.
• The more serious you get, the more work the relationship takes. You would think it would get easier the more in love you are, but it is the exact opposite. Well maybe not the exact opposite, but feelings do make things more complicated in good and bad ways.
  
• I am continually shocked my humanity's capacity to put their hand back on a hot stove. Unless someone does something completely horrible to you to the level where you hate them, you will probably always love that significant other and it is easy to go back to them. People say it takes 10 good things to make up for one bad, but I think it is the opposite in relationships once you have gotten to a certain point.
  
• Ground rules should be placed and followed once you get to a serious area (a region if you will) of a relationship. You both have needs that need to be met, and the structure needs to be there in order to make sure that happens.
• It is surprisingly hard for me to compromise and be flexible in a relationship. I have always felt that in the right relationship you don't have to compromise or at least it wouldn't feel like you were. Don't know where I stand on that, but I am more of an only child than I expected.
• I now know why people in relationships withdraw a bit from their friends. Alone time is key and generally goes more smoothly.
• This I learned from the very wise Mrs. Duh, but it is easy to see why a break up is hard for someone who is broken up with. It is harder to see why it is hard for the person that initiated the break up. The hard thing for them is that they have all of the doubts and what ifs. "Did I make the right decision? Could I have done something differently to make it work?" That and the guilt are what kill.
• Relationships are actually very enjoyable. I always enjoyed being single, but now I much rather be in a relationship (I guess the other thing that I learned was that I am old).
• At this point, I definitely agree with "It is better to have loved and lost..." I don't regret a single second of it.

Update: I actually wrote this awhile ago, but never got around to posting it. I added in a couple of updates in here, but even after some time it still rings true.