Love is a Verb

I have gone through a lot recently... in a lot of different areas of my life. Strangely enough I think that it all is for the best. I think that of all of the changes, the one that has impacted me the most was my relationship. Somehow I think that things like that also impact the other areas of your life. It went on (and off) for much longer than it should have, although I have no regrets. With that all done I thought I would have this final written catharsis before I move on electronically.

To start, let's get the details of my relationship out of the way. There were good times, there were bad times, and there were downright disturbing times. Both of us were at fault in one way or another for times in each category. It's for the best that it's over. The timing of everything was unfortunate, but sometimes that is how life is. If you have to hide that you are in a relationship or when your relationship reminds you of a bad episode of Six Feet Under or Carrie & Big, you are in trouble. Speaking of Carrie & Big, they are the perfect example of how two people (& millions who watch them) can delude themselves into thinking that their jacked up relationship is just their complicated journey towards true love. It's just a bad relationship that you should end before it becomes a complicated journey towards couples counseling followed by divorce. Ok I let the bitter slip a bit.

Anyway one thing that I have learned (thanks Tough Love Couples) is that you need to remember that love is a verb. It is something that you have to do; have to work at. That is true in relationships and with yourself. Once you lose sight of your own journey of self improvement, everything else in your life suffers.

The aftermath has been a bit rough too. A lot all at once. It was fine at first and then got a bit ugly. Right before we ended it, I was at a delusional point where I started imagining (and perhaps a bit of planning) our future life together. Whatever, make fun of me, but I only share this to illustrate the point that we (at least I) were/was at a place that is hard to paddle back from once you abruptly end everything . Since we weren't right for each other, that was the easy part. The hard part was separating your life from someone you consider a friend. Physical separation is easy. The internet will kill you, particularly because I am a jealous stalker... of everyone. I initially joined MySpace to see what shit my friends were talking about me (a "Lurker" one of my coworkers called me). I would be jealous of someone that was going to a party with 10 kegs when I only have 9. Seeing that someone was still living without me, even with no fun being had, gets to me. Yes I know this is a bit irrational and borderline narcissistic. That has been taken care of though. Luckily when you feel like you need to remove e-contact from someone, but don't want to be "rude", the spirits in the sky resolve the issue in short order :)

Ok, we are done. I feel catharsis (to the point of needing to ralph). No more talk about that. No more blogs and in fact I am trying to not speak "that name" any longer. I have bigger, more interesting, and probably more tragic things to deal with. It's a loss for both of us, but I think in the end everyone will win. Time to stalk that.