Foot Fetish

I love flip flops. I love that I get to wear them to work. I love the weather that allows me to wear them. I love that they are the cheapest footwear that I will probably ever own. I love that I have them in argyle so I can wear argyle all year long... I think you get the point.

Flip flops are great, but I have some issues with them as of late. First of all, they break... a lot. I have three pairs of broken flip flops sitting in my closet right now. Two are just brown leather, but one is my pair of red Budweiser flip flops and it devastates me.

Plus they break in awkward places. The first time it happened it was at Lagoon. I am not sure if you have ever put a bare foot on the "fair"way that is Lagoon, but it is gross. I left. Then a couple of weekends ago it happened in the Gateway parking lot. Convenient you may think, especially since I had already been flip flop shopping that week and knew exactly what I wanted, and they happened to match what I was wearing. The problem was that what I was wearing was what I had been wearing the night before, and it was on top of an unshowered body. To make matters worse, the manager of the storing I was going into was someone that I had "dated" once upon a time. I could not deal with the hugging or the pleasantries as I looked like a homeless alcoholic standing in the middle of the store on a Saturday, so I finally said, "I need these in an 11 stat!" Rude.

I was paid back for my rude display in that the flip flops that I bought were medieval torture devices. It was like someone was stabling me in the side of the foot every time i took a step... IN FLIP FLOPS! I have always told women as we walk long distances from party to party in their "dressed to get fucked" heels that they need to suck it up and suffer for fashion. I have done it myself, and have developed nice little calluses to deflect the stabbing pain.

My final issue is that I have a problem finding flip flops I truly like. I have this problem with all shoes, but because flip flops are so funky and varied, there is added pressure for them to be awesome (like the argyles). Rainbows are boring, and I have an issue with Reefs. I applaud them adding in bottle openers, flasks, and even the secret drawer for whatever you need a secret drawer for (no judgments). However, they are ugly. They are sports sandals and I am more of a leather on wood kind of guy (like the medieval torture devices). Even if they just had the simple black fabric like they used to instead of the fabric/leather monstrosities they have now, I would be able to open a Heineken anywhere right now.

Alas, even with my issues my love affair will never end. In fact I think I need to go shopping for some brown leather replacements...